Wednesday, 9 April 2008
London's calling...
“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” - Jack London
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
Losing a whole year...
When did my life become a Third Eye Blind lyric??!!
I’ve been listening to music of ‘my past’ this week – I love the way that music can bring back memories of people, places, faces, thoughts, feelings. I wonder what music will bring me back to this place, to this time.
So I’ve proved myself to be utterly useless in managing to keep a blog and a diary for a year. I don’t know what happened, I really don’t. I could excuse myself and say that I didn’t have time, but that’s not really true, I had all the time in the world and now it’s slipped through my fingers. It’s funny how fast a year can fade and places and events blend into one. Something jogged my memory earlier and I remembered someone who I used to work with, it actually took me a while to compute exactly where I knew them from. Was it Auckland? Was it Lloyds TSB? Almost everything about this year is in the past now, but I’m glad that it’s there.
When people ask me about my year in New Zealand, I will tell them that I just lived. I lived with a person, in a house, in a town, in a country, in the world. I had life experiences that you could probably have anywhere in the world, but they just happened to happen to me here. Its hard to put a finger on one key event that really made my trip so far, but I can say that I am confident I will come out of this having achieved what I wanted to. I was always so dead set that this was the right thing to do, that it was something I needed to do, and I’m glad that I trusted my instincts on this one. I think I can say that I am lot more confident in myself and my abilities - my ability to love, to be a good person, a likeable person, to be myself even. This has been about reassessing myself, who i am, what makes me happy, what i want from my life. And when I think back to how I behaved in the past, I can see how misguided I was and how so much of it was how I thought I should be, how I thought I should think, act, look. Recently I was on my Myspace page and realised how of much of that crap wasn’t even me anymore.
So this chapter of my life is coming to an end. But as they say, when one door closes, another one opens. And now…I have three months or so of travelling ahead me, through Australia, Hawaii, California. Hell, maybe I’ll buck my ideas up and keep this going…….on second thoughts, don’t count on it! But back to the point, I can only imagine the kind of experiences I’m going to have, the people I’m going to meet, and the things I’m going to do. It will be very strange to go back home, and I imagine I shall be walking around almost like a shell-shocked bomb victim for a few weeks as I try to process the fact that its all over. But here’s to the future, and everything that’s yet to come. Watch this space...
I’ve been listening to music of ‘my past’ this week – I love the way that music can bring back memories of people, places, faces, thoughts, feelings. I wonder what music will bring me back to this place, to this time.
So I’ve proved myself to be utterly useless in managing to keep a blog and a diary for a year. I don’t know what happened, I really don’t. I could excuse myself and say that I didn’t have time, but that’s not really true, I had all the time in the world and now it’s slipped through my fingers. It’s funny how fast a year can fade and places and events blend into one. Something jogged my memory earlier and I remembered someone who I used to work with, it actually took me a while to compute exactly where I knew them from. Was it Auckland? Was it Lloyds TSB? Almost everything about this year is in the past now, but I’m glad that it’s there.
When people ask me about my year in New Zealand, I will tell them that I just lived. I lived with a person, in a house, in a town, in a country, in the world. I had life experiences that you could probably have anywhere in the world, but they just happened to happen to me here. Its hard to put a finger on one key event that really made my trip so far, but I can say that I am confident I will come out of this having achieved what I wanted to. I was always so dead set that this was the right thing to do, that it was something I needed to do, and I’m glad that I trusted my instincts on this one. I think I can say that I am lot more confident in myself and my abilities - my ability to love, to be a good person, a likeable person, to be myself even. This has been about reassessing myself, who i am, what makes me happy, what i want from my life. And when I think back to how I behaved in the past, I can see how misguided I was and how so much of it was how I thought I should be, how I thought I should think, act, look. Recently I was on my Myspace page and realised how of much of that crap wasn’t even me anymore.
So this chapter of my life is coming to an end. But as they say, when one door closes, another one opens. And now…I have three months or so of travelling ahead me, through Australia, Hawaii, California. Hell, maybe I’ll buck my ideas up and keep this going…….on second thoughts, don’t count on it! But back to the point, I can only imagine the kind of experiences I’m going to have, the people I’m going to meet, and the things I’m going to do. It will be very strange to go back home, and I imagine I shall be walking around almost like a shell-shocked bomb victim for a few weeks as I try to process the fact that its all over. But here’s to the future, and everything that’s yet to come. Watch this space...
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